How to give money to dependents?

Often we have to give money to our dependents such as spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends etc. How should we give it?
Whether we acknowledge it or not, money is associated with a lot of emotions. Money coveys power, authority, dependency, ownership, subordination depending on which side of the giving-taking you are. Giving and taking the money can be a minefield in a relationship even if the exchange is legitimate. Giving and taking goods/things do not carry the same emotional connotation as an exchange of money does.

The person giving the money is viewed by the person receiving it as an authority figure, the boss, the earner, the powerful one etc whether the person himself feels it so or not. The person receiving the money may feel dependent, subordinate, small, unequal, undeserving and a host of other things. 
The burden of making the exchange pleasant lies in the hands of the giver. Whether you are giving money to your spouse, children or anyone else emotionally close, put a distance between the money and you. Giving cash directly in the hands of the person wanting it is an emotionally loaded dice. It may fall any which way. Avoid it at all costs. The person receiving cash even if it is for a legitimate purpose may not feel good about it. In today’s world, the ideal way to give money to someone is to transfer it to their account. People don’t really need ‘cash’ anymore most of the time. By transferring it online, you don’t make the transaction personal. It is just a transfer of numbers. 'Money' does not come between the two of you. That negative emotional connotation is cut. This is true when you have to give money to them regularly, say every month. Just transfer the money and tell them you have done it. 
If at all you have to give cash, then make it a point to leave it on the table, box, cupboard or someplace and tell them about it. At least this brings a degree of distance between the actual cash and you. 
When you give cash to your dependents, it is not just an exchange of money. It is more than that. It is read as an emotional message. I have seen people scrutinise the face of the person giving money to see what they are feeling when they are giving the money. Whether the expression is read correctly or not it has a chance of getting misinterpreted. Of course, ceremonial occasions where an exchange of money is the norm are excepted.
If your purpose is to give money and not put up a show of authority, power etc, then for the harmony of the relationship, put a distance between yourself and the cash.

Thursday, July 4, 2019 By Sreedhar Mandyam

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